learn to build, keep destroying — heather

What a beautiful day outside. That’s what I was thinking, staring at the window - enjoying the calm view, like the last day in my tiny life. Oh, I dont hate it - and I can say without hesitation that I have everything I could dream off. Well, not exactly - but I could take it whenever I want to. I always wondered what was holding peoples from doing the things they wanted to do in their lives - and since my memories came back to me, I always knew what were my desires. Hey, I know what you’re thinking - I’m weird, dangerous and if I decided to stay at home that day, it would be better for everyone. I’m aware of this. I became able to read the fear in people’s eyes since I decided to act in the way I wanted to - and I know the kind of freak they think I am. I’m ok with this.

I could say that it was what i wanted but that wouldn’t be right - even though this issue was obvious since the beginning. But I don’t care. That is who I am - someone weird, dangerous, someone who refuses to listen to the rules peoples decided to install. The desire of freedom was the start point of the madness I’m carrying - and even if I end to be alone against the world, I’m not giving up on this. This is who I am. This is who I want to be, and it’s fine if I have to die because of it - I refuse to become someone I’m not. I know it’s wrong. I know i’m wrong. I just don’t give a shit - and I’m walking around the school, searching for any purpose to lead, in that day and the ones incoming. In my point of view, the life in here was so boring I started to see peoples like an occupation - erasing little by little my respect for this humanity I never liked. What would that change ? Nothing, I thought, stopping my walk in the middle of the park - waiting for anything to happen. That was stupid, right ?

I was so bored I was holding to this dumb hope that things would come themselves to me - but I could just stall here, lost in the silence of the area. Some days, nothing happens. You just wait, expecting for your life to become incredible - but nobody came. I rolled my eyes, filled with impatience, and decided not to lose my time anymore when someone passed throught this park. She was holding a strange weapon, carrying an uniform and I first though that was some kind of stranger - before she came closer, brining the evidence. She was an adult, and this truth destroyed all my hope for today - I had no one to have fun.

So, maybe it was a nonsense decision, but I came right to this woman. If i couldn’t play with, at least, I could train my social skills. « Greetings. » I started with a calm voice. « Are you a staff member of this school ? »

I guess everyone can’t start perfectly in a sport. Hey, I don’t really mind. I’m not really good at building things with people. My work is more about destroying it, you know ?